God Calling

   I’ve come to realize that God has been calling me for most of my life.  Church wasn’t something we did in my family yet even as a child there were times when I felt there was something missing.  As I grew older I pretty much ignored the urging I would sometimes feel.  I suppose I’m not the only one who has lived this experience but I wish I had listened to His calling earlier.  There’s so much I missed by not answering Him.

   After I married I began going to Mass with my wife each week.  She never pushed or prodded me but I came to know that I belonged to God and needed to be a part of His Church.  I bless my wife for bringing me to Church and to God.  I thank God for bringing her to me and changing my life.

   For years I was a “Sunday Catholic”.  I went to Mass and that was about all.  Still I knew there was more to this Christian thing that just showing up for church once a week.  But again I failed to listen to God’s calling.

   After finally becoming a bit more involved with the Church I thought I was listening to God and responding.  I was sharing money, time and talents so I felt I must be doing what He wanted.  I later came to understand that He wasn’t through with me yet.  There was more He wanted.

   As I began to understand that I needed to do more I began searching for what that might be.  I became a lector, sharing the word at Mass. I became a Eucharistic Minister sharing the body and blood of Christ at Mass.  I studied scripture and my faith, took various courses to help me better understand what God wanted.  I led bible studies and shared my faith with those who were converting to the Catholic Church.  I felt I had really gotten my spiritual life in order.  Still He wanted more.

   Even though I kept trying I still felt that I wasn’t doing what God wanted of me. Finally I understood what I was doing wrong.  I was thinking for myself rather than seeking His will for me.  When I felt I needed to do more I looked at what was available and picked what I wanted to do.  Instead I should have been on my knees asking what God wanted me to do.

   At a silent retreat about ten years ago I finally understood that what God wanted from me was me.  All of me, not just the part I wanted to give.  On my knees in front of the Blessed Sacrament I promised Him that I would stop interfering and listen to Him instead.

   Since then I have been called to writing about my faith and sharing that faith with others.  God has led me to write and publish two books and His prompting during Lent was the start of this blog.  I’ve quit trying to tell Him what I want to do for Him and started letting Him tell me what He wants of me.  I'm not sure if He's finished with me yet so I will keep listening.  He has changed my life and my only regret is that it took so long for me to finally shut up and listen.