Judas and Forgiveness

“In these days he went out to the hills to pray; and all night he continued in prayer to God.  And when it was day, he called his disciples, and chose from them twelve, whom he named apostles;” (Luke 6: 12 -13)

   There is no mention of how many disciples of Jesus there were when He chose the twelve, only that these twelve were called to be apostles.  They would be the leaders of His church on earth.  I’ve often thought of Judas and why Jesus chose Him.  It was necessary that one of the twelve would betray Jesus as foretold in the Messianic prophecies, but why Judas?  Did Jesus know it would be him when He chose him?

   The fact that Judas, or one of the twelve, had to betray the Christ has always made me wonder about the culpability of Judas.  Did he have a choice or was he destined to be the one?  If he had no choice, was it truly his fault?  Tough questions, at least in my mind.

   I think Judas’ greater sin was his refusal to return to Jesus, confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness.  If I am to believe that God forgives all sins I must believe that even the betrayal of Christ would have been forgiven if sought in sorrow and repentance.  Judas apparently chose to believe his sin was unforgivable, killing himself rather than seeking God’s mercy.

   I also think that in many ways I am very like Judas.  I can’t live a sinless life regardless of how much I want to or how hard I try.  When I sin against God is it any less than Judas’ sin against Jesus?  I don’t know, but I do know that when I sincerely seek forgiveness it is there.

   It seems to me that I can, like Judas, fail to seek forgiveness or I can fall to my knees in sorrow and repentance and receive it.  I pray that I will always rest in the certainty that my sins, no matter how grievous, will be forgiven when I sincerely repent and seek the healing of my Lord.

Lord, I am a sinner.

I have failed you many times.

I come in sorrow, seeking your forgiveness.

Help me as I try to sin no more.

Amen