The Memory of Sins 

   “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our sins from us.” (Psalm 103: 12) 

   At Baptism the slate was wiped clean.  Any sins committed before that moment were washed away and were no longer a part of me.  The Sacrament of Reconciliation again washes away my sins.  In repentance and sorrow I acknowledge my sins and ask God’s forgiveness and help in avoiding sin in the future.  Yet, I am human; I will continue to sin and need His forgiveness again and again.

   I have no doubt my sins are forgiven.  I am confident that any future sins will also be forgiven when confessed in sincerity and sorrow.  So why do past sins continue to come to mind?  If they are as far as “east is from west” then why do they remain in my memory and torment me?

   There is a cost to my sins even though they are forgiven.  Jesus paid that cost, but I am responsible as well.  I must accept that my sins are what made His sacrifice necessary.  As the old adage says, I can be forgiven for breaking a window, but someone must pay to replace it.

   I believe that the memory of my sins is a lesson for me.  One that says I should never forget the evils I have done, and the price Jesus paid to have them wiped from my soul.  At my judgement I must face Him knowing the pain my sins inflicted upon Him.  My unworthiness will be on full display.

   My sins are forgiven, of that I’m sure.  But the memory of them remains and I sorrow over and over when they come to mind.  I sorrow not for myself, but for the suffering and death my Lord suffered for me.  Perhaps this is purgatory on earth. 

You forgive my sins.

You wash them all away

But I can’t undo the harm they cause.

I sorrow for the pain You endured for them. 

Amen